


One Good Reason (not to love you)

by mildlymichael



Category: Dear Evan Hansen
Genre: Alcohol, Cutting, Depression, Gay Jared Kleinman, Hunter Hayes - Freeform, Jared Kleinman Angst, Jared Kleinman Is Bad at Feelings, Kleinsen, M/M, Moving On, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Pining Jared Kleinman, Post-Song: Good for You (Dear Evan Hansen), Self Harm, Songfic, Underage Drinking, Unrequited Love, first work don’t kill me, hunter hayes songfic, me? Projecting? Yeah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 03:53:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19287571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mildlymichael/pseuds/mildlymichael
Summary: based off of one good reason by hunter hayes. uh yeah I feel like it’s post good for you kleinsen





	One Good Reason (not to love you)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work on here and in this fandom pls be nice

**_It’s been one of those days that I should get used to/Wake up, get goin’, stay busy_ **

Jared’s forced his eyes open, staring at the ceiling. The alarm blared as the flashing red numbers indicated 6:50. He had 10 minutes to get ready for his last week of senior year. His last week with Evan Hansen. Monday’s are always shit, but every single day since he lost his only friend has been unbearable. His body is telling him to just lie there motionless while thoughts of Evan encompass his being. The memories come and go as Jared needs to grip his arms and pull off the weight of being in love with Evan fucking Hansen but his limbs are numb and he just stays.

6:55.

The beeping from his stupid automatic snooze jolts Jared into a sitting position. Okay maybe you can’t get over him you fucker. Jared just saunters to his dresser and pulls out some pun T-shirt from Walmart (hey it was $4.97), and one of his long sleeve button ups. He needs to keep his style so nobody suspects his breaking, but short sleeves may not be the way to go right now for him. He quickly pulls on his Converse, grabs his backpack (which has started a massive pin collection since The Connor Project) and he’s off on another day. Another day without Evan.

**_Puttin’ off gettin’ home ‘cause I miss you_ **

After school, Jared goes to the last computer club meeting. He’s greeted for the end of the year party by his Vice President, Zach.

“Hey Jared! Let’s get this party rollin!” Zach screams, throwing his arm around Jared’s shoulder and smiling.

Towards the end of the party, they say goodbye to the seniors and Jared gets a bunch of cards from his acquaintances thanking him for running the club. “Maybe this year would’ve been better if I stuck with only them.” He whispers to himself. Getting closer to Evan was the highlight, but their fight was the worst moment in his entire life.

After the party, Jared speedwalks to his locker, trying not to find Evan. Why would he even be here after school? It’s not like Evan would’ve tried to do anything extra curricular now, and Alana wanted nothing to do with him either.

“Hey.” The girl in front of him mutters out. Alana, of course.

“I’m gay.” He blurts out, unable to form any other sentence. His hand full of cards finds its way to his face and as his eyes grow wide.“Hi. Alana.”

She lets out a small laugh. “Yeah, and I’m valedictorian.” She smacks his arm playfully, showing him that it’s okay.

“We been knew.” Jared tried to meme his way out of the awkwardness but he can’t, before he makes the realization why she said that. “Oh…” his voice trails off as he lowers the cards from his face.

“Yeah, have you seen Zoe?”

Jared smiles slightly, “she’s probably in the music wing practicing for jazz band or with Evan.”

“I’ll try the music wing, but she’s not with Evan I can tell you that.”

“Why not?”

“They broke up a long time ago. She and I became close and she told me that everything he told her was a lie. It’s weird. The most anxious kid in our class is a pathological liar.”

“Yeah, Evan Hansen.” Tears formed in Jared’s eyes as he pushed past one of his friends from this year.

“Jared? Jared?”

“Bye Alana!” He called out, running up the stairs to his locker.

He throws his cars in the biggest pocket of his backpack and runs to his car in the senior lot. He can’t stay at school, so he goes to the library. _Wow Jared, you fucking nerd. Just because your gay ass can’t go home and sit in the room that Evan has been in millions of times._

**_Is it freedom when the space that you want turns into a prison?_ **

Jared finds himself leaving the library at 9:30. He needs to be home at ten and he decides to detour his way home. He decides to drive past Evan’s house.

The house on Summit was small, just a two bedroom ranch, but it was cozy. Evan’s house was always cozy to Jared. Driving past it was a nightmare, but Jared felt he deserved it. Maybe it was just the slices on his arms that made him look at through the lit window of the house to see Evan sitting on his bed typing away, or maybe it’s just how much he loves that man and just wants everything back the same way it was.

Jared wants to stop the car and go up to the door and apologize to Evan. He doesn’t know what he would be apologizing for, though. Evan was being the asshole here. He imagined himself waltzing up to that door like a prince so he can just swallow his fucking pride and get the man he loves back because he knows that it’s _impossible_ to live without Evan’s blue eyes or his freckles or the way he walks because Jared has been hopelessly in love with him since seventh grade. Evan was his sexual awakening and the love of his life.

But still, Jared didn’t go up to his door. He didn’t apologize or see Evan more than just passing through on the street.

**_Is it leaving if I can’t move on and I’m stuck here looking for//One good reason not to love you_ **

When Jared got home, he immediately ran up to his room and got his bottle of whiskey from under his bed, 101 Proof Wild Turkey. He didn’t even bother with a glass, just imagined the bottle was Evan’s lips as he took a gulp. It burned his tongue and throat, but it felt better than the stabbing pain deep inside his stomach from the man he knew since childhood. The man he fawned over all throughout his teenage years. The man who somehow hurt Jared Kleinman to the point where he’s getting hammered at 10 PM on the Monday before graduation. His hangover will be wicked but somehow he’s always hungover on what Evan did to him.

When he finished his first bottle and pulled out number 2 (he spent every single dollar he had on 3 bottles of Wild Turkey...so like $120) and he started sipping again. _How about I try to list things about him that I should hate. Maybe it’ll work._ So, Jared pulled out notes on his phone and opened a blank document. The light yellow taunted him as he stared. Why should I hate Evan Hansen?

1\. lied about Connor

2\. But he kinda did tell you first and you helped him

3\. And it brought you guys closer 4. You almost kissed him like 4 times

5\. God that was nice

6\. Fuck

Jared sighed as he put the bottle to his lips again, throwing his phone on his bed. _Maybe if I list why I love him, then I can hate him!_

**_One good reason wouldn’t even be enough to/Unpaint all of those pictures/There’s no way to unremember_ **

1.his eyes they are so pretty and nice and sweet and ahahhhhhahahahshs the blue is always so scared and I wanna tell him that he doesn’t need to be scared he’s okay

2.His body. Damn.

3\. He has so many freckles and like I’m dead. DeadTM

4\. His hair is so light and it looks so soft and fluffy I just want to scruff it all the time and like kiss it and breathe into it and love it???

5\. He’s always so kind and like yeah he lied about Connor but he did it to help himself and help people who were like sad and stuff so that’s like good!

6\. Our childhood!! Just like this magical experience and I can only remember really just playing with trucks and tag and everything

7\. Coming out to him I was so scared but also really comfortable with it like I knew he’d always accept me

8\. When he told me he was bi like !! Ahh! He trusts me that much!,!

9\. Helping him write emails...we got so close!

10\. Helping the Kickstarter!!

 _So that didn’t help. Now I’m just sadder and gayer. I really am a mess._ Jared threw back the rest of the bottle, starting on number 3. “Fucking Evan Hansen. ‘S one’s f’r you buddy.”

**_I’d love to just unlove you/I’ve tried to, but I can’t find/One good reason_ **

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah. I hate my ex so it’s not me but this song is a bop and I love kleinsen so yeah. Also like me? Self harm and suicidal thoughts? More likely than you think


End file.
